Sync

What do you know you know?

As people interested in leadership we need to think about what we communicate both intentionally and unintentionally.

Every time you meet someone, there are two sets of information that come into play – what you know about yourself and what they know about you. On one level, the connection between these two sets of information is simple – how much of what you know about yourself do you share with that person?

If you think about it, there are also other perspectives, for example, what do they think about you, and choose not to tell you?

Introducing Johari’s window

Johari’s Window is a model that can help us think about personal awareness and how we interact with others. It’s a window made up of four sections. What we know – and don’t know – about ourselves and what others know – or don’t know – about us. The model show where these things overlap.

• Quadrant one: The public area contains things that are openly known and talked about - and which may be seen as strengths or weaknesses. This is the self that we choose to share with others

• Quadrant two: The hidden area contains things that others observe that we don't know about. Again, they could be positive or negative behaviours, and will affect the way that others act towards us.

• Quadrant three: The unknown area contains things that nobody knows about us - including ourselves. This may be because we've never exposed those areas of our personality, or because they're buried deep in the subconscious.

• Quadrant four: The private area contains aspects of our self that we know about and keep hidden from others.

As you can see, its not about telling everyone everything about yourself, or about laying siege to those you come in contact with through endless questioning; but it is about acknowledging the importance of recognising what you share with someone and what you don’t.

Mark Wright, who runs many leadership programmes, encourages us to use the model: “it can help us balance what we decide to share with others with what we need to seek out from them in order to build fruitful relationships.”

Using the window

The theory is that the bigger we can make the first quadrant, the better – self disclosure shows we are confident in who we are. It’s not without its dangers though, particularly for disabled people – telling people about some conditions and needs can change people’s perceptions and not always for the best. Keeping secrets can also be seen as healthy, it is a way of managing your identity, and indicates you are secure and have self-control. But it takes energy, because you have to be on constant guard not to accidentally reveal something that is potentially damaging. For some of us as disabled people with hidden impairments this is a real juggling feat. Johari’s window isn’t about ‘telling’ – its about balance, and understanding the impact of telling/not telling, sharing/not sharing.

Why should we bother thinking about how much of ourselves we share or don’t? Mark comments that

“if I attempt to build my leadership on a very small open/free area then relationships will tend to be brittle, fickle and prone to misunderstanding. I will need to increasingly seek compliance from those around me and use any positional power I might have to get things done. An asymmetric Window, where I “tell” a lot about my needs and experiences, without much “asking”, can be wearing and self-serving whilst too much “asking” without any “telling” can be perceived as insecure or invasive and will be mistrusted.”

Getting feedback

Think about the second quadrant for a moment – what other people think about you but you don’t know. Again, the theory is that as ones level of confidence and self esteem develops, you can actively invite others to comment – how do you come over, what do other people make of you?

There are lots of ways to get this kind of feedback – and the coaching part of Sync is one such way – but we need to choose the time and the place, and the people. Sometimes the responses may not be what we want to hear, and some times we get feedback when we haven’t asked and don’t want it. Instead of being open to hear new things, we can be defensive, protecting the parts of ourselves that feel vulnerable and reacting with denial and excuses instead of insight.

What don’t you know that you don’t know?

The third quadrant can be the hardest to work in – how can we find out more about what we don’t know that we don’t know? The idea behind this is that sometimes we might work in a particular field, area or sector and know loads about our subject. However, if we don’t also keep feelers out in other related sectors, areas and subjects, things can emerge from the blue and surprise us, often to our detriment.

Good leaders make a conscious choice to stay interested, curious and engaged. It's about trying to get the bigger picture rather than just concentrating on your part of the jigsaw. There is a non-PC ‘fable’ often used to illustrate this – ever come across the fable of the blind men and the elephant?

Recognising the importance of keeping up to date and informed can be particularly relevant to us as disabled people if our access needs make getting information, networking or keeping up harder for us than for others. How can we make sure we make time to do all that, as well as getting on with our workloads?

Go straight to the fable of the blind men and the elephant

And finally...

No easy answers, but hopefully lots to think about.

And just to put it all into practice, through Sync, I’m consciously pushing open my first quadrant by opening up about my thoughts and feelings and by finding out about the perspectives of others I’m aiming to improve my awareness of the world. If you feel like giving me any feedback on how I come over, please feel free to contact me, and let me know. But do it through emailing me rather than telling other people – I’m open, but not that open!

.

Jo Verrent

Sync Project Manager